Yard Sale Adventures: A Fine, Fine Day -- by Nancy

Ahhh.

We left early, before dawn. I packed my bag without forgetting anything. There was a momentary glitch when Oscar woke up and demanded a waffle, but I was able to toast and cut it before Laura arrived. He had to pour his own syrup and eat alone in the dark early morn, but I felt I had done my job.

First stop, a "redecorating sale" off Bunkum Rd. Lame. They weren't ready for us. I had to jump up and down to peek through the garage door windows. They had 3 pieces of Ethan Allen furniture and a bunch of crap. We left. The end.

Next, we moseyed down Main St. where we found a few gems. The numbered streets always get my attention. I know right where they are. 28th is between 27th and 29th. It is approximately a mile from 18th and 38th. No map required.

Proprietors of the numbered streets, you have an economic advantage!

We pulled into this sale and were rewarded with both quality merchandise AND celebrity sightings.

First we saw our school lunch lady. That was exciting enough for one stop, don't you think? If I could insert musical links I would lead you to Adam Sandler's Lunch Lady Land and you could listen to some comic/musical genius at work. But alas, I am not that savvy.

Here is Laura with the proprietor of this sale, "Uncle Mike".

Uncle Mike was wheeling and dealing today. He was in motion the whole time we were there, moving SOLD furniture with his furniture dolly out of the garage and into the yard. We desperately wanted this gorgeous wooden trunk. But it was SOLD. But it wasn't really sold... the story goes that as they were pricing their unwanted merchandise for this sale, Uncle Mike's family found this awesome wooden trunk.

It was made of pretty wood and mounted on smooth rolling castors. They priced it at $20. But when Uncle Mike saw it, he started to cry. His brother Jim (would that be Uncle Jim? I don't know.) had made that beautiful trunk. And now Brother/Uncle Jim is "gone". I think that means he died. So the fabulous trunk was not-for-sale because Uncle Jim's family is going to keep it to honor its maker.

Touching? Yes.

But I swear to you, Laura still tried to buy it after that whole story was revealed, telling the trunk's owners that she would use it to hold her kids' balls.

Yes, balls.

We had a lot of fun with the "balls" play-on-words today. You see, "balls" can mean footballs, basketballs, and tennis balls or it can mean the testicles encased in the scrotal sack. Therein lies the humor. And in my infinite irreverence, I thought that was the funniest thing I ever heard.

Ahh. This is why we yardsale. It is a source of horribly inappropriate hilarity.

For instance...

One of our stops today was an estate sale off 101st street. Here is the address:

That's just a lucky omen, don't you think?! Look at that. It looks like the amount you could win in a lottery.

Upon entering the garage we saw a stack of wooden skeeball tracks and a table-full of crappy carnival prizes.

After the delightful squealing died down, we asked the estate sale operator what the story was with this excellent garage full of carnival supplies. He told us that the owners had emmigrated from Poland in the mid-1900s and they were carnival people.

FREAKIN" JACKPOT, PEOPLE!

I have to digress just long enough to explain the new focus of my life:

I am the chairperson of the school auction this year. This is a dreaded responsibility. The auction is the primary fundraiser for the entire school year and needs to haul in at least $30,000. The responsibilities of the chairperson include recruiting volunteers, soliciting donations, planning the occasion, implementing the event, and thanking the donors after the fact. It is a big job, taken on as a committed-parent-taking-her-turn-as-chair. It's a real take-one-for-the-team moment. You tell people you are the auction chair and they roll their eyes or shake their heads. It's universally understood among grade school parents that The Auction is a real ball breaker.

But I am loving it!

The auction has given purpose to my life! Five kids, two dogs, a home, and a marriage were not quite enough purpose for me, apparently. The auction is exactly what I needed to get me excited about life! For example, when I am yardsaling, I ask myself if the object before me can be transformed from Unwanted Junk into Unimaginable Jewel! The auction is a giant yardsale of high quality merchandise! And the task of writing and sending solicitation letters is a challenge to my brain (which has been rapidly decomposing since I started having children.) Planning the actual event is like planning a party for everyone I know... easy, fun, and highly satisfying!

The auction this year is a circus: the Signal Hill Circus & Auction. So when I saw all these games and prizes I got seriously excited. I practically hyperventilated. And then, just when I was in maximun high-pitch-squealing-mode, I saw Heather. That made me squeal for another 5 minutes.

Do you remember Heather? Heather was on staff at the Tri-City Sale! Heather is a new AF mom in our neighborhood. But wait! Heather isn't just the MOM, like the rest of us, she is the Air Force member. Her HUSBAND is the stay-home parent! This is very exciting and unusual in my world. AND... get this... she used to own a consignment shop for which she went to garage sales and found treasure to resell for a profit! Is that not my fantasy job?! Here is Heather:

She was rushing out of the estate sale because she was late for a plane to Belgium. I don't know what's up with that. She must be going on some fancy trip or something that I would never have a chance to go on...

Anywho... the estate sale guy said, "You guys must have known each other forever!" And I said, "No. We have only known each other for a few months. We are just Air Force wives so we have to become friends quickly." That's the sad and awesome truth.

The estate sale was the highlight of my yardsaling day.

I found the most inappropriate, un-politically-correct thing I have ever seen:

These generous people, these Polish immigrants, must have donated their precious time to fundraising for the Knights of Columbus... back when you were allowed to call kids "Mentally Retarded" instead of "Learning Disabled" or "Cognitively Disadvantaged". I was so floored by this sign and the KC aprons that accompanied it that I started to laugh... and then I had to explain myself to everyone in the immediate vicinity... because I was not laughing at mentally challenged children, I was laughing at the fact that it used to be OK to call kids "mentally retarded". Seriously. It makes me want to call all of my 6th grade girlfriends and have a good giggle. That sign was seriously retro...

At this sale we enjoyed a celebrity sighting: here are Shirley and Shirley's Grand-daughter...

You will remember the post of June 4, 2010, in which we were introduced to Shirley, her excellent hat, and her grand-daughter. It turns out that the young man photographed in the June 4th post was Shirley's grand-daughter's husband. Just setting the record straight.

There were unimaginable treasures at this estate sale. But the prices were steep. Too steep for me and certainly too steep for our tightwad blogging friend Laura. We will return to the estate sale tomorrow at 11AM and wipe the basement clean of its vintage carnival accessories! We might even have to post the unprecedented Sunday blog! Tune in!

I would be remiss if I did not mention the rummage sale at the church on Main St. This is in our own 'hood and was the most anticipated of the week's sales.

Parking was at a premium this morning, but our friend, Mary Beth Kelly, was on site to offer her driveway as sanctuary for weary rummage salers...

Inside the rummage sale we found a bevy of treasure. Clothes, toys, home decor, furniture, you name it. Highlights included this amorous pair of monkeys: