Me and my Holm-ies

I woke the crew at 6:30 this morning for a morning of yardsale adventures!

(A note on grammar: I know "yardsale" is not an official compound word. Every stinkin' time I type this unconventional word my computer underlines it with red dots. But I choose to combine the words "yard" and "sale" into one to emphasize their symbiosis. The sale without the yard would just be an event at Kohl's department store or something. And the yard without the sale? Just plain boring. So let us all agree, here and now, that "yardsale" is one word, a compound word that combines two disparate concepts which together make one beautiful idea. Like "base" and "ball". Am I right? Right. Moving on.)

So... back to the early morning wake up. I swear to you, I did not coerce a single one of them into yardsaling with me today. In fact, it would have been rather pleasant to be, shall we say, a little less encumbered as I hopped from sale to sale. But as they say, "Mom makes everything fun!" so I had my posse, my homies, my crew with me today as we embarked on our quest for the weird and wonderful.

The highlight of our day was a skiv on Green Mount Rd. We were on the way to B Street when we saw a promising sale. I knew at once we had found a kindred spirit. The proprietess was whoopin' and hollerin', enthusiastic about both her wares and her customers. She was sweatin' up a storm, blotting at her face with a cloth, fussing over her displays, and joking with the passersby. Right away I asked her name. "Glenda. Like the Good Witch." she replied. I gave her my card which immediately started a discussion about the blog and yardsales.

Glenda loves life, Readers. I could feel her joy... her aura, her vibe, her chi, whatever the hell you call it... all I know is this is a woman I want to emulate. This is a woman I should spend more time with. So many yardsalers shy from the camera. "Oh, no!" They say. "I look a mess!" But not Glenda. Sweat and all, she posed with a "hip-hip-hooray" for my camera.

Glenda, I love you. If you are not a "follower" by tomorrow afternoon I will be emotionally injured to my core.

I found a few things I needed at Glenda's sale.

"How much are these rolls of paper I need for the adding machine I bought last week?" I asked.

"Oh, just take them, Honey." she said.

I mean, seriously. Now you love her too, right?

But to really understand why Glenda was the highlight of our day, you have to know about bananas.

You know that game where you see a VW Beetle and you shout, "Red one!" and then punch the guy sitting next to you? Yeah. I know your kids play it too. It's one of the many crappy things they have learned from television. My kids have expanded the game to include all yellow cars. If they see a yellow car of any make or model they shout, "Banana!" and punch the guy sitting next to them. Including me. Big fun. This bothers me to no end. So I have laid down a decree: NO PUNCHING WHEN YOU SEE A YELLOW CAR! So now they just shout "Banana!!" really loud and I do a big sigh.

But Henry wanted to include a grandfather clause in my decree. He says he can abide by the no punching rule for cars but if you happen to see an actual banana tree you get to slap the guy sitting next to you in the face. I agreed, of course, because we live in Illinois, a state to which banana trees are not native. What is the risk?

You know where this is going, don't you?

Glenda, the Good Witch of Green Mount, was selling banana trees! I swear to you, she had at least 25 banana tree plants in pots on her driveway. I misguidedly brought this to Henry's attention at which point he immediately started slapping everyone in our family. You are a parent or a child. You know how this progressed: Henry slapped Donny, Donny slapped Louie, Louie slapped Donny back harder... Glenda and I had to call the police.

Haha. Not really.

We now have two banana tree plants on our patio. JoJo and Henry are certain that there will be a bounty of bananas within weeks. I don't have the heart to tell them the truth.

After that, our morning was pretty tame. Louie bought a great yo-yo made of aluminum that hums beautifully while it is "sleeping". He found a box of YuGiOh cards which he bought for ten bucks. Jo bought two baggies full of Polly Pockets. Louie bought a pair of metal dice in a velvet bag. Oscar found a tiny little car that can house a Lego man.

We stopped at QT, of course, where we bought many delicious taquitos. I tried again to get the QT staff to read the yardsale blog. I said, "It's basically an ad for QT." I will not rest until I receive at least one taquito for free as a result of this blog. Here are my children, supporting QT:

Tomorrow I will yardsale with new blood. Fresh meat. A yardsaleadventures virgin. Is she ready? Tune in tomorrow and see!