The perfect birthday gift (Shh!)

So Nancy's birthday is in 2 weeks. Or so. I am too tired to look at the calendar. I need to find her something, or I shall have to fork over some possession of mine. Or not. Because chances are I might forget. I am thinking the Stephen King doll would be perfect.
Next week I have a light(er) school load, with only 4 exams. I am thinking next Saturday is in, readers. I have been craving the thrill of the chase, the open road at 6:43am as we head into parts unknown (well, not really, but you know what I mean), the mad dash to the QT for taquitos and other less-than-wholesome snacks, and of course my R and D.
For someone as highly disorganized as me, putting together my messy version of a where-shall-we-go-next map is a chance to use my sorely underdeveloped and lacking orienteering skills. I don't do this well, mind you, and often I can not read my own writing, but it is a fun, adult version of a treasure or scavenger hunt: looking on various web sites to find the sales, figuring out where they are, the potential order, and if it is a vinyl siding neighborhood, in which case my inner yard sale snob disdainfully decides it is not worth our time. Also, it gives me something to do. Did I mention that normally my list gets shoved to the bottom of my purse or lost in the pile of treasures? I really, really suck at it.
Stay tuned to see if I rejoin Nancy and the YSA. Maybe we can even convince Samantha to join us?

Fame

I need Laura to finish nursing school and get back to work on the yardsale circuit. I am no good at Research & Development. I didn't check the News-Democrat until this morning and even then all I came up with was a raw list of the bazillion sales in the metro-east that started on Friday. Here is the list:

I am no good at turning this raw list into a yardsale action plan. In theory, I should use my $11.95 yellow detail map to find every sale. Remember this handy dandy St. Clair County street map?:

And then I should plot all the sales on the giant whiteboard like so many trigonometric coordinates:

And then I should use my full-size metro-east paper map to guide me from sale to sale:

But I did not.

What did I do? I shoved my babies in the Explorer and headed down Main St. looking for signs.

Pitiful. Just pitiful.

It's just too hard! I need Laura and her tenacious scientific analysis for maximum yardsaling efficiency. (haha! I said "tenacious" just for Donna Veile! Maybe she will comment with the "tenacious" story about the word "tenacious"!) When Laura is in charge of R&D, I operate the vehicle, and Samantha navigates, we are an amazing yardsaling team! We could be the US Olympic Yardsale Team! All other combinations of participants and duties are only attempts to reclaim the glory of the earliest days of the Yardsale Adventures. (Heavy sigh)

Anywho... I took JoJo and Oscar with me today. Out of necessity, in truth, although I do always enjoy their company. Like any children, if they are well-rested and well-fed they will be well-behaved. Since I woke them at 6:30 during summer vacation I was hoping well-fed would be enough. I packed this "magical bag of snacks" thinking that marketing is everything and that if I called the snack bag "magical" they would believe that graham crackers, Ritz, and peanuts were the most delicious snacks ever!

No luck. A sleepy Oscar refused to be photographed, but when he looked into the magical bag of snacks I can tell you that he made this expression:

Our very first sale of the day was in Swansea, that itty bitty town that somebody shoved between Belleville, Fairview Heights, and Shiloh. But when the BND advertises "Neighborhood Sale" I pay attention because to me that means "many sales in a short amount of time". Our first sale was a winner. It was perfectly sunny and warm, not yet scorching hot as it would get later in the day. The sale was robust, full of both high quality and high quantity merchandise. Here are my babies, basking in the early morning sunshine, their chlorine-bleached hair aglow in its greenness, perusing boxes of the most coveted of merchandise: Legos and Pollies.

This sale had lots of stuff priced to sell. But I think maybe they were crazy. Look at this:

This is a freakin' KIRBY vacuum for sale for $4!

Kirby, if you have been living under a rock or something, happens to be the best vacuum on Earth. At least that is what the guy said when he came to my house last summer and, after sucking gallons of dust mites from my carpets and mattresses, convinced me to spend $1200 on the exact Kirby model you see above.

This guy (dressed like a real player, don't you think?) bought the four dollar Kirby AND the Legos. I think he is some sort of shopping genius, this guy. I want to be married to him.

In the interest of full-disclosure, JoJo did acquire a Box-o-Pollies for only two dollars. We would have paid ten. I was thinking these thoughts as I decided not to present the proprietess with my YSA card. I didn't want her to feel bad. Here is Jo looking delighted with her Find:

From there we drove aimlessly, like travelers lost in the night -- or Joseph and Mary looking for an inn -- or chickens without heads -- for the book version of YSA I will have to choose an analogy -- we found a well-advertised skiv heavy on the girl toys. They offered this 3 foot doll for $10. Reader, I am telling you only Stephen King himself would have bought this doll. It was unquestionably possessed. You be the judge:

It was scarier in person. Trust me. I almost bought it just so I could burn it.

We headed toward O'Fallon. I was looking for better quality used crap. Usually I focus my yardsaling efforts on Belleville. But in Belleville we get a lot of old, weird crap. Some days I want old and weird. In fact, it is safe to say that usually I am looking for the most old, weird, random, arbitrary crap I can find... something that will make me laugh out loud and say, "What the...?" But today I felt like buying something nice, maybe some nice clothes or a discarded organizational device from Target.

But O'Fallon is new and uncharted territory for me! When do Rt. 50 and State Street diverge? What is with the traffic circle? Why are there so many new subdivisions? Needless to say, I got terribly lost, despite my excellent yellow map. The whole morning was different and new. Instead of QT we visited Circle K. (I will admit I felt a little embarrassed after last week's restroom debacle and therefore may have subconsciously tried to avoid the regular QT.) Instead of taquitos I had two egg rolls. Instead of weird, random, rusty crap we bought nice stuff!

There was a well-advertised neighborhood sale in Windsor Creek. They had signs all over the place. There was no way I could have missed this one. The first sign we saw upon entering the subdivision was this:

Honestly. Don't you just want to shove dollar bills into the chubby little hand that penned this sign? I'm sure they had nothing I wanted, but the sign was so precious I had to post it. However, they were offering this stuffed animal of note. It is a little side-hobby of mine to find "El Toro of Love" whenever he is for sale. It seems that the Hallmark corporation offered "El Toro of Love" a year or two ago and a lot of people bought him. We have seen "El Toro of Love" for sale no fewer than 5 times on the yardsale circuit. My own son, Henry, fell prey to the El Toro siren song. First, I offer a photo of today's El Toro. Then a video of Henry's previously purchased El Toro so you know what all the fuss is about... Except after 52 million tries I can't post the video of El Toro proclaiming his love for you. It sounds like this: "I am El Toro of Love. You are spicy like one million hot jalepenos!" But it is even better than that. I'm sorry I can't make the video load:

So I'm in the Windsor Creek subdivision, I'm attending all the sales they have to offer, and I come to a familiar looking cul-de-sac. "Hmmm. This looks like Kim's neighborhood." I think. Then I see the address "1000". I think, "Kim's address was 1000." Duh. I inadvertently stumbled upon my friend's yardsale!!

Readers, we must ask ourselves:

1. Why did Kim not call me to tell me she was having a yardsale?!

2. Why do I not attend to my friends faithfully enough so that I know when they are having yardsales?

From Kim we bought a Gator Golf apparatus and quite a few lovely stuffed animals. All present agreed that new stuffed animals should be properly introduced to one's existing stuffed animals so as not to create stuffed animal conflict or anxiety. Also, Josh is very sorry he inadvertently stole those cool signs from U of I.

After that we went home. I had to pick up the boys from tennis camp.

But today I gave some thought to serendipity. There are so many sales during the high summer months, a person could never attend them all, even if she were a devoted yardsale fanatic like me. And at each sale I meet a new friend, make a new contact, find a new treasure that begs reporting on the yardsale blog. It is only Dumb Luck that determines who gets blogged and who does not. For better or for worse, some of you yardsalers get press while others wallow in obscurity.

Today, as I casually minded by own beeswax at a yardsale, a woman approached me and said, "Are you bloggin' today?"

Well, HELL YES I am bloggin'!

But more importantly I had been recognized as The Blogger by a woman I did not recognize! That is FAME, People! And then I saw Jack. Jack is a yardsale regular who notices my car when it is parked in front of a sale! Tomorrow I will have to get a photo of Jack. He has excellent long hair. I am not sure Jack has a day job, if you know what I mean. Jack, call me and tell me where to find you tomorrow!! It will make excellent blogging if I can showcase you and your purchases!

Dudes! I am seriously famous! And you are my original-est fans!

Anywho... I saw a street today in O'Fallon called Smiley St. I would like to know the history behind Smiley St. because that is an excellent name for a street if you ask me. It made me smile, that's for sure.

Until tomorrow, Readers. I know you lie in bed at night hoping I will attend your yardsale or at least enlighten you to the presence of some excellent yardsale merchandise!

Tune in!

Wish List

We all have a list.

By "we" I mean all the people who are responsible for the procurement of household necessities and niceties, usually women, but sometimes creative, emotional-leaning men or people who are retired.

By "list" I mean an unwritten collection of items which we plan to acquire in the near future. For example, new curtains for the living room, toothpaste, a chair for the baby's room, something to give as a birthday gift, or a new-old lamp.

So we all have a list. And as we yardsale we compare the merchandise that is for sale against the list we have in our heads.

Here is my list, not exhaustive, for this weekend:

1. a teleportation device that I could use to jump from sale to sale without having to take the time to drive

2. a machine that will continue the gentle rocking of the porch swing for the duration of my afternoon nap

3. a home-liposuction contraption

4. a dog-bark silencer for use during nap time on the porch swing

5. new curtains for the living room that are brownish but not solid brown, maybe something with texture. I will need 4 long panels.

6. a taquito making machine which will allow me to make QT-quality taquitos in my own kitchen

High hopes, People!

Check back Friday night.

YSA Goes Global!

1. YSA is my new abbreviation for yardsaleadventures. I thought that when we become a publicly traded company on the NY Stock Exchange we should have a recognizable name.

2. You will notice the new links in the upper right corner of the blog. ReadyMade is a fun, clever, and useful magazine that captures the spirit of the YSA blog. Plus I am trying to get them to put us on their Blogroll. The QT link is there for obvious reasons.

book!

Readers, I am trying to convince Nancy to write a book with me detailing our more insane adventures. It would be just like the blog, only pricier. (Well, since the blog is free, it isn't priciER, but you know what I mean). Isn't this a fabulous idea? Aren't you just planning the perfect spot to display said book on your coffee table? Or to use as a leg-balancing jimmy under your lopsided table? Whatever your ideal use of our Pulitzer-worthy book is, leave a comment with a yea (surely there would be no nays!) so as to convince Nancy of the worthiness of this endeavor.

I was joined today by my son Louie and Kim Collins. Kim is a friend from my mom community. Until today we had mostly bonded under the effects of liquor so I was glad for the chance to spend some time with her sober. She proved herself a fine yardsale associate. She was at my house promptly at 7AM, she had small bills, and she had a mental list of things she needs, most notably: candle paraphernalia and holiday decorations.

Without Laura as my VP of Research and Development I have been struggling to plot out my course for each yardsale adventure. Today I tried a new system. I took 2x3 white board and copied a map of Belleville onto its surface with permanent marker. Then, using the Belleville News-Democrat's list of sales (bnd.com) I plotted the interesting ones on my map in dry erase marker.

The idea is that after the sales I will wipe the dots clean but the map will remain. Atop this white board I placed the real paper map of Belleville, taped only at the top edge so that I can flip it up to reveal the dry erase map beneath. This system would have worked perfectly if I were alone in the car or at least if I were the sole navigator, but you will recall I had Louie with me today, my 13 year old math genius, who accompanies me solely for the opportunity to navigate with the intricate street-level map of St. Clair County.

Me: "What dots are nearby on the whiteboard map?"

Louie: "Just turn left."

Me: "But where are we going?"

Louie: "Just follow my directions and turn left."

Me: "I really want to look at the dry erase board."

Louie: "Just turn left, Mom."

This is what happens when a first born child has a first born child. It is an unavoidable "Battle of the Bossies". (Honestly, he did an excellent job navigating. I was only out-of-sorts because the directional control was out of my hands. He will be the death of me, that one.)

We enjoyed an early stop at QT. My taquitos were breakfast today. Our first sale was so near the wonderful QT establishment that we couldn't resist stopping. Plus Kim needed coffee and I had to pee. I ate a perfectly matched pair of chicken taquitos:

Louie had a chicken/bacon biscuit and some pink milk:

I took a picture of this lovely fruit display so that you will know QT offers fresh produce in addition to its delicious processed foods:

But then I had a very unfortunate QT experience. Readers, I didn't want to tell you about this. But the blog must be an accurate report of the day's adventure, so in the interest of honest humor-journalism I will report this embarrassing event:

I had to go number two. I had had a big cup of coffee and two taquitos and the urge was undeniable. So we ran back to the QT so I could make a speedy pit stop. The QT has two lovely restrooms, one for men and one for women. But they are each a single-user restroom with a sturdy lock. So when the women's room was occupied I confidently entered the men's room. They are identical, I swear.

I did my business.

But there was some sort of flushing malfunction.

I thought: Oh, I'll just wash my hands for a minute and try again with the flush.

But the second flush attempt was not successful. At this point someone (presumably a man) tried the door. It was locked so he stepped away. I knew at this moment that I had to rectify the toilet situation pronto because someone was waiting for the restroom and as its sole occupant I would be accurately identified as the toilet-using deviant who left the restroom less than pristine.

I tried again. Reader, the mess was just not going down. Short of clearing it out by hand I was at a loss. So I put a little wad of fresh TP atop the existing mess as a sort of cover-up and did the skeedaddle out of there lickety-split.

Thankfully, the waiting patron wasn't standing immediately outside the door. I was able to make an inconspicuous exit and hustled to the car before anyone engaged me in conversation. But you and I know, Readers. We know. And I am very, very sorry to the QT establishment, her employees, and the unlucky patron who followed me in the men's room.

Moving on.

We encountered a lovely neighborhood near Whiteside School with many sales. I found this magazine from 1986 which will delight and entertain my brother, an Apple product connoisseur:

Then we met Nathan. Nathan is a sweet young man who is building a maintenance deck on the back of his church as his Boy Scout Eagle Project. How frickin' wholesome is that? (Seriously. Re-read that sentence. It includes the words "building", "church", and "Eagle Scout".) He was polite and cheerful. His parents were lovely. I wish I could have found more to buy at their sale. I bought a box of 500 address labels for 50 cents or something. I seriously should have slipped Nathan a twenty. Here he is:

Later in the morning we experienced The Find. In every yardsale adventure there is The Find, the one best thing we purchase, the thing that we have been questing for, the Holy Grail of yardsaling... The Find is different each week and is always unexpected.

Imagine this week's Find on a personal level: you buy some beautiful glassware for the holidays. The goblets are intricately cut red crystal and they compliment your Christmas dishes perfectly. You buy eight. Some drunkard breaks one their first day out of the box. They are, of course, discontinued and unavailable at the store where you originally purchased them. You could try Ebay and pay through the nose, but you are a frugal girl and can't justify the expense. Then you find a like-new replacement at a garage sale!

Kim found her broken glass today. She found the exact goblet needed to complete her incomplete set. The price? One cool buck.

After that we could only go downhill. We met a woman walking her aged dog in a stroller.

We found a jock strap for sale:

But nothing could compare to the long-lost goblet or the unfortunate QT restroom experience.

Until next week, Readers. Please become a "follower". It makes us feel loved and popular when you do.

Me and my Holm-ies

I woke the crew at 6:30 this morning for a morning of yardsale adventures!

(A note on grammar: I know "yardsale" is not an official compound word. Every stinkin' time I type this unconventional word my computer underlines it with red dots. But I choose to combine the words "yard" and "sale" into one to emphasize their symbiosis. The sale without the yard would just be an event at Kohl's department store or something. And the yard without the sale? Just plain boring. So let us all agree, here and now, that "yardsale" is one word, a compound word that combines two disparate concepts which together make one beautiful idea. Like "base" and "ball". Am I right? Right. Moving on.)

So... back to the early morning wake up. I swear to you, I did not coerce a single one of them into yardsaling with me today. In fact, it would have been rather pleasant to be, shall we say, a little less encumbered as I hopped from sale to sale. But as they say, "Mom makes everything fun!" so I had my posse, my homies, my crew with me today as we embarked on our quest for the weird and wonderful.

The highlight of our day was a skiv on Green Mount Rd. We were on the way to B Street when we saw a promising sale. I knew at once we had found a kindred spirit. The proprietess was whoopin' and hollerin', enthusiastic about both her wares and her customers. She was sweatin' up a storm, blotting at her face with a cloth, fussing over her displays, and joking with the passersby. Right away I asked her name. "Glenda. Like the Good Witch." she replied. I gave her my card which immediately started a discussion about the blog and yardsales.

Glenda loves life, Readers. I could feel her joy... her aura, her vibe, her chi, whatever the hell you call it... all I know is this is a woman I want to emulate. This is a woman I should spend more time with. So many yardsalers shy from the camera. "Oh, no!" They say. "I look a mess!" But not Glenda. Sweat and all, she posed with a "hip-hip-hooray" for my camera.

Glenda, I love you. If you are not a "follower" by tomorrow afternoon I will be emotionally injured to my core.

I found a few things I needed at Glenda's sale.

"How much are these rolls of paper I need for the adding machine I bought last week?" I asked.

"Oh, just take them, Honey." she said.

I mean, seriously. Now you love her too, right?

But to really understand why Glenda was the highlight of our day, you have to know about bananas.

You know that game where you see a VW Beetle and you shout, "Red one!" and then punch the guy sitting next to you? Yeah. I know your kids play it too. It's one of the many crappy things they have learned from television. My kids have expanded the game to include all yellow cars. If they see a yellow car of any make or model they shout, "Banana!" and punch the guy sitting next to them. Including me. Big fun. This bothers me to no end. So I have laid down a decree: NO PUNCHING WHEN YOU SEE A YELLOW CAR! So now they just shout "Banana!!" really loud and I do a big sigh.

But Henry wanted to include a grandfather clause in my decree. He says he can abide by the no punching rule for cars but if you happen to see an actual banana tree you get to slap the guy sitting next to you in the face. I agreed, of course, because we live in Illinois, a state to which banana trees are not native. What is the risk?

You know where this is going, don't you?

Glenda, the Good Witch of Green Mount, was selling banana trees! I swear to you, she had at least 25 banana tree plants in pots on her driveway. I misguidedly brought this to Henry's attention at which point he immediately started slapping everyone in our family. You are a parent or a child. You know how this progressed: Henry slapped Donny, Donny slapped Louie, Louie slapped Donny back harder... Glenda and I had to call the police.

Haha. Not really.

We now have two banana tree plants on our patio. JoJo and Henry are certain that there will be a bounty of bananas within weeks. I don't have the heart to tell them the truth.

After that, our morning was pretty tame. Louie bought a great yo-yo made of aluminum that hums beautifully while it is "sleeping". He found a box of YuGiOh cards which he bought for ten bucks. Jo bought two baggies full of Polly Pockets. Louie bought a pair of metal dice in a velvet bag. Oscar found a tiny little car that can house a Lego man.

We stopped at QT, of course, where we bought many delicious taquitos. I tried again to get the QT staff to read the yardsale blog. I said, "It's basically an ad for QT." I will not rest until I receive at least one taquito for free as a result of this blog. Here are my children, supporting QT:

Tomorrow I will yardsale with new blood. Fresh meat. A yardsaleadventures virgin. Is she ready? Tune in tomorrow and see!